| find our hearts |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|10:00 pm] |
 
its now 2.25 in the afternoon. i cant sleep, i cant nap, i cant bring myself to do anything except ponder my severe inability to stay put in one place. i miss halloween, i miss the colourful costumes everyone wears for that one special day of the year. i really do like halloween, its just a pity not many people are that into celebrating it. isnt it nice, to be another character for one day? i have a 'the-grass-is-always-greener' disease which means that i always wanna be someone else, somewhere else, it could be a severe case of wanderlust, but i'm not sure. all this running away is me desperately seeking a cure. moments at times that i ask, how come the hardest person to love sometimes, is yourself? moments when i doubt everything in my universe, or maybe, just in me. i'm pretty sure someone inside of me is worthy enough of so many things, so many beautiful things i very often deny... i just havent discovered her yet.
i'm missing a hell load of gigs happening back in sg, i'm still kicking myself over yeah yeah yeahs. one good thing though, i found a club in helsinki that spins electro, i went nuts on the dancefloor. well, i expected heavy metal and loads of screaming or maybe mediocre R&B, guess that was a pleasant surprise. & i found this little lane filled with boutiques, quaint cafes and gorgeous people, very reminiscent of haji back home, cant wait to go back there again, and watch the world go by.
i'm still on discovery mode in this city, i bet there's so much more if i only know where to look.
i'm still healing, loving, living.
breathing. |
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| cosmic |
[Jan. 28th, 2010|06:50 am] |
i'm fascinated by the idea of happiness, endlessly. about how happiness is only happiness till you are taught what sadness is. about how happiness is lying down beside you on the grass and watching clouds go by, how happiness is not having a care in the world, or about eating waffles with your mother at 9 am in the morning. about how happiness is perhaps the sole motivation in everyone's lives, but everyone is too blinded by money and materialistic wants to figure that out, and not knowing that lying down beside you on the grass, watching clouds go by, is enough. and figuring out how some people are smart enough to grow up and earn lots of money, without ever knowing that happiness is that, and let that be enough. |
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| the highest and lowest you'd ever feel. |
[Jan. 25th, 2010|07:34 pm] |
[One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.”
One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing “so you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?”
“Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more."]
i always revisit this blackcigarette link from almost a year ago, when i'm bored /sad /happy /feeling geeky / feeling the need to indulge in corny phrases i'd never be caught saying, basically almost every other time. keeps me from being skeptical (i doubt way too much, i'm afraid) love seems pretty but i'm not good with love, i make a huge mess out of it, i'd rather stick with electro.
its embarrassing but its a post too awesome not to share.
(heck it, the quote up there makes me cringe but its too cute) |
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| eternity in our hearts and eyes |
[Jan. 20th, 2010|08:15 pm] |
day 10 of being here, i'm liking this new found independence, though miles away from people i know, trust, and usually depend on, i finally feel like i'm doing something for myself by myself. there's nothing familiar here in finland, perhaps god given, to rid myself of ghosts from the past. i feel less apprehensive here, less self conscious than back in sg, where my every movement is perhaps shaped by how others would view me, feeble attempts to be part of what everyone is part of, to feel accepted, dont we all? moments marked by fear and apprehension, there's less of that fear here now. everyone's been way too accommodating and helpful towards me. something i feel very blessed for. i walked on the frozen sea two days ago. it was exhilarating. coming here and having all these new experiences makes me feel smaller than ever, insignificant, even. dont get me wrong, i say that positively. we are insignificant, nothing revolves around us.
i'm liking this, i'm liking buying groceries myself, finding classes myself and meeting new people. i still miss everyone back home, i still miss partying and the like, i still miss my lifestyle. everything's snail paced here and i'm still trying to get used to it. still a little scared, but everyday i'm taking baby steps to be less dependent on people. baby steps, still steps nonetheless. i wish to never feel jaded, i wish to forever be filled with anticipation and excitement. 'growing up' is a vile term. i am a kid, have been, and always will be.
and everyday i'm falling more and more in love with this place and its people.
i am alone. (i say this with both fear and excitement) |
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| brrrr |
[Jan. 15th, 2010|03:05 pm] |
 havent had time to upload pics from my camera, so grabbed one from yuan's fb haha look at benson's cock hat LOL check out our friend behind, he's 2 metres tall 0_0 |
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| calendar girl, who's in love with the world, stay alive |
[Jan. 14th, 2010|12:42 pm] |
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oovoo my best friend
 i'm safe and sound in finland everybody! (tough feat but hey, i did it!) nope, no mugging, no getting myself into some serious ass whopping trouble, no pissing any finns off, so far so good, i should give myself a pat on the back haha (i did spill an entire caramel macchiato venti on the heathrow airport carpets tho, but oh wells, thats just being me) its been hectic around here settling in and whatnot, but the snow is so pretty and everyone has been really awesome to me, i wish you guys are here to see the snow, trees, pathways and the narnia lookalike scenery. replying of emails and a proper update with pictures soon, i promise! school's starting in 4 days time yikes. heading to ikea in abit to buy a plant and a sofa for my place haha love you all, stay golden :) |
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cheenapok's journal
